Creature Feature

There is nothing quite like watching a scary movie and then realizing there’s a scratching/thumping sound coming from your radiator. I thought it was the bird at first (not that I let the bird play on the radiator, but I instantly attribute most scratching sounds to her). I realized she was still on top of her playpen, looking curiously at the radiator.

Radiator pic

There is possibly a monster in here

Okay, so it wasn’t the bird. Me being me, I figured there were three things it could be.

a. Contractors digging around on the roof for some reason

b. My neighbors, attempting to shimmy down the radiator tubes to get me


I embraced my inner Idiotic Horror Movie Character, got dressed, and went outside to investigate. I didn’t see anything on the roof. I came back inside and did what any befuddled editor would do…I knocked on the thing.

The noises stopped.

Now, being that it’s broad daylight and I do not, in fact, live in a horror movie, I quickly deduced that some sort of friendly woodland creature had been inspecting my radiator, and that maybe I ought to call the landlord to get it inspected.

Of course, the noise completely disappeared and management wearily told me to call back if it happened again.

I have some experience with rodents being where they shouldn’t. Back when we lived in the Bay Area, my family had some unfortunate encounters with roof rats. By “unfortunate encounter,” I mean they decided let this crawlspace be where our people go to die. There’s nothing quite like turning on the AC on a hot summer night and inhaling the sweet stench of decay. The exterminator went down there a few times over the course of our years there, and always came out toting these gigantic dead things that looked more like mutants than rats.

I can’t say why they chose our crawlspace. I suppose it’s a dubious honor. In the meantime, I would really prefer that my apartment not stink up the way my house did. Begone, little woodland creature. Inhabit some other realm free of editors and birds. Please do not die in my radiator.

And if you do, please don’t come back as a zombie.

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