A few minutes ago, I finished up a rousing game of Fruit Ninja, in which I performed splendidly. For the first time, I felt confident in sharing my victory with the world.

So I did.

And I found out that my awesome score is somewhere in the 14,000s. Apparently, the world is full of better finger ninjas than I.

Total buzzkill.

(Aside: finger ninja is the best euphemism since…I don’t remember when, but it’s spectacular. All credit to Lindz.)

I’ve retaliated against my low finger ninja ranking in the only way I can — installing a game where there are no winners and losers, and where I can effectively lord over small beings the way my pet bird lords over me.

Yes, I’m busting out The Sims.

Or I’m trying to…we’ll see if the discs will work.