“That’ll Be Some Good Bacon…” (My Mom Watches The Walking Dead)

My mother is not wild about zombies – she also wouldn’t be much good in the zombie apocalypse, because her reaction to a zombie is to start laughing at it – but she does occasionally like to see what all the fuss is about. She’s watched a few episodes with me, but it’s been a long time since she actually sat down for the entire hour.

That all changed tonight, when I badgered her into watching the season four premiere of The Walking Dead with me.  I’m just sorry I didn’t get her to watch much of it last season, as I think she would have gotten a kick out of the Governor and his decorating efforts.

Below are her thoughts. Also…spoilers if you haven’t watched it yet!

(Rick’s Garden Stroll)
Mom: Good looking plants for people who are dead.
Me: I think those plants belong to the living, actually…see, that’s Rick.
Mom: Oh…(music starts) Is that a zombie singing?
Me: I hope not.
Mom: Yeah, they’re people of few words, aren’t they?
Me: They don’t have much to say.
Mom: They should read more.

Mom: (Rick digging in the dirt and finding a gun) Oooh, he found something. A bone? A gun! (laughing as we see zombies against the fence behind him) Oh, there they are. They’re dead and they’re walking. (giggling) Target practice!

(Violet the Pig)
Mom: What’s wrong with Violet? She’ll be a zombie pig. Humans and pigs share similar body structure or something, you know. I bet pigs could be zombies.

Me: (looking at Patrick) How did HE survive the apocalypse?
Mom: Because he’s a freak.

(The Dead Yourself app commercial)
Mom: Zombify yourself? That sounds like something you’d like.
Me: I have it!
Mom: Oh god. That’s how you got your picture?

(Glenn and Maggie discuss babies)
Mom: Well, they’re going to have to procreate at some point so maybe next season they’ll have little zombie-ettes.

(Zombies at the Fenceline)
Mom: You kill them by smashing the heads? Is that what they do for sport? That looks like fun.
Me: Would you be into that?
Mom: Depends on who they were.

(When Rick Met Clara)
Mom: What is that? Is that the pig? Oh, a zombie.
Me: Don’t help her! She’ll kill you!
Mom: But she’s talking, so she’s not a zombie. Right?
Me: Yes, but she could be something else.
Mom: Maybe she’s a witch. This show could use a witch.

(Bad Grandpa commercial)
Mom: You know what would be cool? A menorah shaped like a turkey.

(Rick and Clara’s Forest Hike)
Mom: She’s up to no good. I can just picture her suddenly baring her teeth.
Me: I can’t decide if that’s mud on her face or if she’s a cannibal.
Mom: …There’s cannibals on this show?
Me: Not yet. But cannibals always happen during the apocalypse.

(The Medic and The Severed Legs)
Mom: What’s that, just…legs? He looks concerned. Is he thinking cannibals?
Me: Yes. That is the first thing you think when you see a pair of legs: Holy shit, cannibals!
Mom: YOU were the one who kept talking about cannibals.

(Roof Zombies A-Go-Go)
Mom: How come they don’t look happy? Why aren’t any of them smiling?
Me: Well, they’re dead…
Mom: But someone should be happy about it.

(Zombie hangs from roof by his entrails)
Mom: (laughing hysterically) Can they pickle them in the liquor?

Mom: Who would you like to see as a zombie?
Me: Most of Congress at this point.
Mom: Zombie Congress! Can’t you write something like that?

(Clara brings Rick to Eddie’s Love Nest; at this point we have discerned this poor girl is seriously unhinged)
Mom: OK, here’s something freaky. They’ll show you his expression first…it’ll be his head….(Clara rushes Rick) Didn’t I tell you this was gonna happen? (Clara offs herself) What is she babbling about? Is she gonna turn into a zombie now? Maybe after she dies they’ll show us who Eddie is. Okay, she’s dead. Who’s Eddie? Twelve minutes. Might be a cliffhanger. Maybe Eddie’s a zombie dog or something….uh-oh, he’s gonna look now.
Suz: It’s MOVING.

(RIP Violet)
Mom: Aw, the pig is dead.
Mom: I bet she’s gonna eat the piglets.  That’ll be some good bacon.

(Glenn and Maggie Talkin’ Babiez)
Mom: I told you they have to procreate. Zombiettes! Did she just say zombies kept them alive? Maybe they can find a way to sauté them.
Me: Sauté the zombies?
Mom: Yeah. I mean they’re there.

(Patrick’s Sad Demise)
Mom: Oh-oh, he’s sick. He’s walking funny. Doesn’t that signify something? He’s gonna retch. Did he get bitten? Did he bite the dead pig? Violet?
Suz: I don’t remember him eating anything.
Mom: It’s over…Is that blood?
Suz: He’s bleeding from his eyes!
Mom: UH-OH!
Suz: The virus mutated!

All in all: Awesome episode, even if I am a little peeved that they beat me to the mutated virus punch. Alas. We’ll see how it plays out. Also, I think my mother kind of dug the show despite her reservations.

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